Wednesday, November 3, 2010

And So I Wept

I love God.

I know, I know. That's what we're supposed to do as good church-going Christians, right? But seriously - I love Him. I love the way He built His kingdom and sent our king to save us. I love the way He inspired the bible and the way He gives us everything we need - and how it takes us needing Him to see that. I love it.

And I love the way He cares for us. He really does. We are not forgotten. He will not leave us as orphans.

Last week Brighton would have been 3. Monday was his birthday. Mondays are always super busy and though it crossed my mind - it didn't invade my mind. Nope - that happened on Wednesday night.

Sitting in my office - wrapping up the day - it just hit me. Hard. Like a late hit from Polamalu. I was wrecked. This heart of mine will not heal.

But God's cool. He showed right up. And ya know what? He didn't coddle me. I don't think He's a coddler. His presence calmed me but it wasn't as if He was there to heal me. I don't think healing my heart is in His plan.

Instead - it felt like He pulled up my extra chair, sat beside me... and just wept with me.

And that's when it hit me. God weeps for these children. Regularly. The creator of the universe, the maker of you and me, the master potter, the one who allows me to breathe every day... He weeps for these kids. And suddenly... it was okay. This broken heart that will not heal was... okay.

And so I wept. And I continue to weep for these kids. 'Cause it keeps it really real for me.

And then I go upstairs and see this precious thing - forehead Grover sticker and all - and my tears dry up. God needs us to put in work for Him. We have to.



I love God.

3 comments:

Sara said...

This is sooo good. And so true. Amen.

La Dolce Vita: The Sweet Life said...

Truly, He is good. We have been thinking of you, but had not yet found the right moment to bring it up.

Thanks for being brave enough to do the work despite the sadness.

Or prayers, hearts, hands and feet are with you.

Hoping we can all do much more damage for the kingdom.

Tracy said...

Beautiful!! --and so true-- thank you!!
In all their distress he too was distressed,
and the angel of his presence saved them.
In his love and mercy he redeemed them;
he lifted them up and carried them
all the days of old. Isaiah 63:9