I know when Laura feels strongly about something - because she writes a blog post for me! And Meron? Well Meron just looks crazy... Laura summed up today PERFECTLY below. Check it out...
Today is exactly 4 months since our court date. 4 months since I silently walked into a judge's office in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, fully knowing we would not pass court and be the legal parents of our daughter, but secretly on the inside I was praying for a miracle to occur within those 2 minutes. That miracle did not come.
Today is 4 months since I entered that courthouse with my mother and one of my best friends, but that day I entered without my BEST friend -- my soul mate, my partner, my Camp Leader. I faked bravery that day like I have NEVER done before and had the migraine to prove it. I sat in the waiting room, scared, shaking, desperate to have Tymm beside me. On the outside I gave small smiles to many as I looked around the room at other families waiting for the same moment that I longed for -- the moment they become parents. That moment did not come for us that day, and has yet to come.
I wanted Tymm there to help me deal with the impending heartache of not passing court. Why would it hurt so badly even when we knew it was coming? But it did. We did not get those famous words, "She is yours." Again, we still don't have those words.
So here we sit, 4 months later, with the same desires as we did on January 31st. Our arms long to hold our sweet girl as she continues to grow and develop. She is no longer the tiny toddler we saw on September 9th, 2010. Our hearts yearn to see her smile fill our home and to see Meron and her sister together at last. But the day has not come.
Am I sad? I would be a fool to say no. Am I hurting? You bet. BUT, please know, God has stretched me (and our family) in ways I NEVER expected or could have dreamed. Without this season, we would not be who we are today. He has continued to knit this beautiful story that starts with the aching of 2 people longing for a daughter -- and a daughter with no one to call her own -- into a story of redemption, beauty and perfection. Not perfection from man, but the kind of perfection that can ONLY come from Christ.
Camp Hoffman is better for this wait, and as hard as it is for me to say it, we'd do it all over again in order to be faithfully standing at the foot of the cross with our arms lifted high to our Savior handing over our lives to Him.
Only He knows the end of this story, but we are thankful He is writing us into it.
So in the words of Stephen Curtis Chapman:
"Out of these ashes... beauty will riseCamp Hoffman is READY to do some dancing...
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning..."