Tuesday, May 31, 2011

4 Months

I know when Laura feels strongly about something - because she writes a blog post for me! And Meron? Well Meron just looks crazy... Laura summed up today PERFECTLY below. Check it out...

Today is exactly 4 months since our court date. 4 months since I silently walked into a judge's office in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, fully knowing we would not pass court and be the legal parents of our daughter, but secretly on the inside I was praying for a miracle to occur within those 2 minutes. That miracle did not come.

Today is 4 months since I entered that courthouse with my mother and one of my best friends, but that day I entered without my BEST friend -- my soul mate, my partner, my Camp Leader. I faked bravery that day like I have NEVER done before and had the migraine to prove it. I sat in the waiting room, scared, shaking, desperate to have Tymm beside me. On the outside I gave small smiles to many as I looked around the room at other families waiting for the same moment that I longed for -- the moment they become parents. That moment did not come for us that day, and has yet to come.

I wanted Tymm there to help me deal with the impending heartache of not passing court. Why would it hurt so badly even when we knew it was coming? But it did. We did not get those famous words, "She is yours." Again, we still don't have those words.

So here we sit, 4 months later, with the same desires as we did on January 31st. Our arms long to hold our sweet girl as she continues to grow and develop. She is no longer the tiny toddler we saw on September 9th, 2010. Our hearts yearn to see her smile fill our home and to see Meron and her sister together at last. But the day has not come.

Am I sad? I would be a fool to say no. Am I hurting? You bet. BUT, please know, God has stretched me (and our family) in ways I NEVER expected or could have dreamed. Without this season, we would not be who we are today. He has continued to knit this beautiful story that starts with the aching of 2 people longing for a daughter -- and a daughter with no one to call her own -- into a story of redemption, beauty and perfection. Not perfection from man, but the kind of perfection that can ONLY come from Christ.

Camp Hoffman is better for this wait, and as hard as it is for me to say it, we'd do it all over again in order to be faithfully standing at the foot of the cross with our arms lifted high to our Savior handing over our lives to Him.

Only He knows the end of this story, but we are thankful He is writing us into it.

So in the words of Stephen Curtis Chapman:
"Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning..."
Camp Hoffman is READY to do some dancing...


Melanie said...

I feel your words deep down in my heart. Yes!

Carole Batten said...

Last night I watched a movie that turned suddenly sad and I went to bed with a stuffy nose from crying.
Tonight I read your Camp Hoffman and I so feel your long wait and you have reduced me to tears again and my stuffy nose has returned! God has us on a life journey and you never know where the twist and turns are coming. His love will never leave us. I pray for you everyday and a great rejoicing will finally come to your family.

Jen said...

Love your faith in Him! We are praying for you.

Sarah said...

This is definitely the hardest part of the wait and I cannot imagine not passing court for four months. We have never met, but I have been following your blog since the beginning of our journey; please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers on a daily basis. There are no other words that can ease this pain right now, other than "she is yours". A friend of mine had a very similar wait and she just received her son in her arms yesterday. I am confident that HE is working for you and your little one. I pray for good news to come to your family soon - you deserve it!


jkseevers said...

I love your heart, Laura! God IS indeed doing some amazing things behind the scenes, that we have yet to see, but praying that VERY soon you will hold LH3 in your arms!!!

What a joyous day it will be for not only the Hoffman family, and for all of us that are following along, cheering you on... but also I'm sure that on that day when the judge declares LH3 "yours", all of heaven will be rejoicing along with all of us!

Praying that the season of waiting is coming to an end...

Big Hugs!

Jennifer said...

Dance away... :-)

Kristin said...

I just read this post a day late and sat here with tears in my eyes. You brought back so many memories of that day. You were so strong and you were a light that was shining so bright to everyone around you in that stuffy waiting room! I have told so many people about you and your testimony is and continues to be incredibly powerful! Sometimes God has us wait on the sidelines for a long period of time like Paul was for 10 yeas in his home town (Tarsus) before he went on to become arguably the most influential leader in the development of Christianity besides Christ. Just like Paul's obedience within his "sidelined season" paid off...so will yours. God has totally used this time to grow you and your family and has drawn you guys closer to Him! I'm thinking that's exactly what He wanted to do! I'm so thankful for your great news today! Our family will continue to thank God for your blessing as the weeks go on and we will be praying that she is in your arms soon...very soon!