Wednesday, May 25, 2011


There was some movement today in the Ethiopia program at our agency. We got the email. It just wasn't in our favor. And that made today just... well... just hard.

Sucky actually.

Oh we were happy for the families who got favorable news. We were - I promise. It's just that... honestly... we struggled today. We were selfish. I was really selfish and self-pitying and in that moment I allowed myself to be angry with God. And even though I don't think He minds that - it caused me to work outside His will for me. And the thing about it - I felt it almost instantly. I KNEW I was outside His will.

Needless to say my prayer run tonight had a lot of forgiveness requests in it. I wish when we became followers of Christ these stupid human emotions went away... but they don't.

And right now we just feel... INCOMPLETE.

I love this picture cuz I absolutely ADORE my family. But we are missing somebody.

257 days ago when we accepted our referral we became the mommy and daddy and sister to a precious little girl. And she should be here with us.

We have stared at her picture every day.

Believe me - I can not WAIT to show you the girl in this photo.

We have prayed our minds out for her daily. We know God is running this. We really do. He loves her more than we do (if that's possible!).

But today we struggled. Because our family weeped a little for missing her.

She should have been next door at our neighbor's house playing in the swimming pool with Meron and her friends. She should have stayed up past bedtime with Meron tonight... and I should have had to sneak into TWO rooms after my late run to hug and kiss my girls good night.

Parenting from a distance is hard. So hard. And today we let our guard down just a little bit. And it sucked.

God... help us keep our guard up because we're in this to the end. But I think we need some help.


Unknown said...

Praying for you guys and loving you all so much! May God grant you with peace and patience where it seems there should be none... All of our love... please reach out to us for anything...

Wes and Layla said...

I really appreciate your honesty. We feel EXACTLY the same way over here.

Evan said...

Oh how my heart aches for you guys! We will continue our prayers for your fam.

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

Perhaps the powers that be are currently working outside of God`s will and God is mourning this latest delay right along with you.

Anonymous said...

Psalm 29:11
May the Lord give strength to His people! May the Lord bless His people with peace!

I have been uttering this verse every morning for the last few days during some real hard stuff. I love its straight-forwardness and simplicity. I will pray this verse for you all tonight.
Susie Sanders

cshows said...

Okay, now I'm crying for you guys. Again. Praying that God's grace and peace is sufficient for you each moment. I know His heart is broken with yours and He's eagerly counting down the day that you get to pick up your girl and bring her home forever.

Love you guys.

La Dolce Vita: The Sweet Life said...

Thanks for being so honest. This does totally suck. Man, God is doing such big (but fiercely painful) work in you though. You have been pushed to the edge for certain.

How many times can I say that our hearts are heavy, heavy, heavy for you?? It seems so unhelpful.

We are praying though. Praying and then praying again.

We can't wait until you are complete.

Melanie said...

You expressed the daily struggle so well. When I read the email yesterday and saw the "February" heart got weepy for you guys. His mercies are new every morning. Praying for renewed strength and hope for you today.

Donna said...

Not the post I was hoping to read today. SO so sorry for you and your family. I am praying that your baby girl is kept safe and sound while you wait out this terrible mess. Oh how I wish she was home where she belongs. This stinks, just stinks :(

The Mrs. said...

So much love and many prayers coming your way. We all can't wait for LH3 to be home with her family.

Lyndsay said...

SO HARD! So frustrating!
Last month I was really struggling with prayer. Feeling like God is going to do whatever He wants to do anyway so why do I even bother.
Then a friend said to me "I bet that is exactly what Satan wants you to believe"
Waiting just strips us bare and shows these places where we still need healing.
I'm so glad God loves us enough to make us wait. To refine us in this fire. To make us more pure. To make us more like His Son.
But man this fire burns!
Love you guys, so thankful to be walking this road together!

ashley said...

Praying so much for you guys! I know all your feelings as we too are on the same journey. We to recieved not so great news this week. We weep with you-we are praying with you and will continue to intercede for these little ones until they are home in our arms.
Never met you, but totally feel connected to you throught this and if you were close I would bring you coffee and a hug and weep with you.