When I look at this smiley, gorgeous face it is so easy to forget the circumstances she came from. The pain she has endured. The loss, fear, separation... it's just so easy to think it's all peaches and cream...
And 99% of the time it is. God has been NUTTY FAITHFUL to the prayers of His children - she has bonded, adapted, grown and just flat out astounded us.
But... there is that 1% that exists still. That 1% that holds memories. Fears. Apprehension. Tension. Stress. We don't see it often. Seriously - we don't.
But every now and then... we catch a glimpse of it. Like yesterday. Laura and Meron were already gone when Mebrate woke up from her nap. She woke up cheerful as can be and wanted to go see Meron.
"Meron...?"She seemed worried as she couldn't find her. I told her Meron and Mommy were on a special date and they would be gone until evening...
She crawled up on my bed and lay beside me. She put her head on my stomach and lay there for a minute - I could feel the heat radiating off of her. When she looked up at me - her eyes were moist with tears and she said in the softest voice:
"Daddy... Meron on an airplane?"I am about to freaking cry right now typing it... All her fears, her concerns, her worries, her panics - they were all bubbling to the surface at once...
For the past however many months - she had gotten to make friends, get close to them and love them - only to watch them leave on an airplane. And right then - at that moment when she couldn't find her big sister, her best friend, her safety partner - she was worried she had left her.
I snatched her up, hugged her so hard, laid the kiss-smack-down on her and assured her that "NO WAY WAS MERON ON AN AIRPLANE!"
We headed out the door and stayed very much occupied between pictures, running, dinner and Yogli Mogli. We had a blast goofing off with each other and I am pretty sure she believed me about Meron.
It didn't stop her from bum-rushing Meron and Laura when they came in the door that night and forcing her way into this picture with them:
Her pal was back - and as for us - I think we crossed a little bridge of trust and love and assurance.
God - seriously - you really trust me with this? PLEASE don't let me mess it up...
4 comments:
Oh, this breaks my heart. Such a reminder of the hurt they all have experienced.
Wow I would have been bawling as well. No need to worry about messing up though. God is in the redemption business, and that's exactly what He's doing in your family. And His grace overshadows our inadequacies and faults.
"Please don't let me mess it up." I know this feeling well. Our daughter has been home a year and a half now, and still every once in a blue moon we see a glimpse of panic at being abandoned. Those moments rip my heart to shreds and make me want to hold her and never let her go. And I can't BELIEVE she is my responsibility, that I have been entrusted with her. Today sounds like a milestone, a realization that Mebrate will have over and over again as she realizes she is your daughter, and Meron's sister FOREVER. (((HUGS))) Jenny
I could have written this post. We have had a similar experience with Miles. He adjusted amazingly- we still are open to those insecurities but day to day we don't catch much of a glimpse of them. They are so resilient...but I don't want to miss a moment where reassurance is needed. Airplanes still bring questions in this house. No longer does he think they only go to and from Ethiopia, although he did ask the other day if Jesus flies the airplanes!
-Renae
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