Tuesday, October 6, 2015

But No.... I Mean Are They REAL Brothers and Sisters?

"They are all just so adorable!" exclaimed the older lady as she sat down (uninvited) at our table in a restaurant and started staring at each one of the goofball gang who were sitting there coloring.

And that's when she said it.

"Are they brothers and sisters?"

Laura is so much better than I am at this. I wanted to push her uninvited self outta the booth on to the floor. But Laura just smiled and said "Yep!"

"But no..." the woman persisted. "I mean, are they REAL brothers and sisters?"


Why is this such a big thing for people?

Why is it so impossibly hard for some people to wrap their heads around this idea?

So much so that they are willing to ask total strangers very personal and probing questions RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR KIDS?

Is it because they truly don't understand it all?

Is it because the idea of loving somebody authentically and wholly is a foreign concept to them if they don't think they had control over making them?

Is it because they really believe that DNA carries a stronger bond than love?

Whatever it is - whatever strange thing it is inside that makes ya think it's okay to ask this question directly in front of my kids... guess what? It's wrong. You're wrong.

And here's a pro tip... stop asking that question of families that don't fit into your tiny mental box of what a family is.

Just stop it.

Have some respect for those kids you're staring at.

Because trust me - while just about all of us parents are more than willing to have in-depth conversations with people about adoption, how it works, how it's awesome, how it changed us, etc...

Just about every one of us is also more concerned with the hearts, souls and spirits of our children than we are with satisfying your insatiable curiosity.

Ya know what... these two here are real sisters too.

But nobody ever asks us about them with doubt and wonder in their voice as if to question their identities.

So don't do it about my kids.

Just... smile. High-five them. Tell us how incredibly blessed we are by our kids (we never tire of hearing that).

But whatever ya do - just stop questioning the authenticity of our family.



Imperfect Mom of Six said...

I don't know why people would ask that question. Why!?? It's got nothing to do with them, won't improve their day, won't make them better people. I don't like it. So far i've only been asked if our bio kids were also adopted. Will see how things go when we add again...

Anonymous said...

I don't know why people do this and think its ok. I'm adopted and the thing I hated the most especially when I got older was people acting like my parents were saints for adopting me. I constantly heard "it's so nice of you to take in an unwanted child and give her a home", or act like I'm some kind of exotic pet, "that's so cool I always wanted one too!" My parents would ask "oh you wanted a daughter?" They'd say "no a black child, I think it's cool to have one". Cause insensitive much, and I'm standing right here and I'm not unwanted, and I'm not a cool pet but a person and don't ask to touch me because again person not a pet.
Then they would ask me if I was in touch or met my "real parents", I always said "well, yeah they're standing right there. How can you miss them?" But of course not many people got the hint, and the reasons why I was put up for adoption are also none of their business but of course they would ask.